Anonymous

It's cold. I'm alone. I lost everything, everything. No one is here anymore, everyone is dead. Dead.

Everyone was falling and no one knew who was to blame. Maybe it was no one, maybe it was someone. Maybe it was Jesus, Buddah, God, whoever they believed in.

A child was born, they say, that made this. A child was born to Heaven and Earth- an unrealistic expectation of life now ruined by this child's birth, they say. It's what I hear as I follow the people in the dark, in dark subways and halls and places no one is going to look for us. No one is going to find us.

I don't know what's going on any more. I only know I'm alone. My family is dead. I cannot pray to God or anyone that things get better. If there was a God, why would He do this? Why would he kill so many innocent people?

Some say this is the apocalypse. I don't know. I'm cold. And alone. And all I can feel is sadness creeping through my body. Every inch of me bleeds sadness. My blood feels it, coarsing through me. My blood has become it. I am filled with nothing but sadness.

I take a sip of water from a bottle and try to calm down. It warms me. Nothing but black surrounds me. The blackest nights, the blackest days. I don't remember the last time I saw light. I don't remember the last time I felt clean.

I brush my hair back and try not to cry, but I want to. I want to let it all out. I want to not lose everything, but instead I have already. I want to go back to the way things were before, but I can't. I can't go back there. It's not possible.

Everyone who loved me is dead and gone. No one even cares anymore.

I let out tears. They fall to the ground, the droplets running down my face. My dirty face. I think, this is how we lived before. This is how humans lived before. Hiding from the elements of life, and the animals that could kill us. We are naturally cowardice.

I take another sip and breath in deep, trying to calm down more. But more tears just fall. My stomach has dropped in pain of what I've lost. I feel no hunger. I'm too sad to be hungry. My body doesn't need food when you have water.

I hear a noise from the darkness. It echoes. Nothing is coming. Nothing is coming.

I see a light coming my way. It's an old subway. It passes by me, and I can feel the cold air hitting me. I can feel it as barely misses me. If I moved it would kill me.

It passes and I drink again. The water makes my body feel warm.

My stomach drops. No body loves me. I unwillingly get up and start walking. I find my way to an exit and sit down against a wall. I close my eyes, and can hear the people again. But nobody is here. Nobody loves me. Nobody wants me here. I can hear them talking about me, saying how I need to shower. I know that. I know what I fucking need. I know what I fucking need.

I shiver. It's cold, despite my jacket. I take the last bit of my water and drink it. So warm. So warm.

I'm sleepy, but I can't sleep. My blood feels the sadness in it, moving through me. And it hits my head hard. Nothing feels real any more. I fall asleep.

When I wake up everything is the same, but there are people here. People who stare at me. I can feel them staring as they walk onto the subway car. I still feel sadness, but it no longer is in my blood. I stand up the best I can and ask a man if he has a quarter. He looks at me with disgrace.

No one loves me any more. No one loves me.

I walk outside and see the sun shining bright for the first time in days. It's four in the afternoon. I'm not hungry, but I could eat.

I go to a garbage can and look into it. Nothing. I sit on the bench next to it. My stomach feels empty. I feel sick. But I don't want to do anything. I want to lay down, so I lay down on the bench. When I wake up, a five dollar bill is placed in front of me.

I go to the store and spend my five dollars. I begin drinking it down. The sadness coarses through my body again. I feel sad. I no longer want to be sad, but it's in my blood.

I sit next to a dumpster and feel the sadness. Tears fall. I drink my water and it makes me feel warm.

So warm.