Thoughts

Tonight I sat,
cold as ice
questioning the world
around me.
What is this world?
I asked myself.

I tried to look
at things rationally
but nothing ever came to
make sense.

I started with religion.
If God created the Earth
then why did
humans
write His book?
If God existed
why were only some
selected to tell the
truth? To tell
wisdom?
If God existed
and God knows all
then why not tell us
when the end of days is?
Why not speak to us,
and show us that he existed?

When looking back
at the origins of
religion, it appears
to me
that people
are using it as a
safety net.
We all live on
in the after life,
and we can all go to
a place of paradise when
we die.

Others use it as a means to
live.
A rulebook of how to think,
what to follow, and
what rules- be they unrealistic
or not-
they must follow.
They use it as a reason to
live. A purpose
to fulfill. Because life has to
mean something.

But then I ask myself,
what about ghosts?
Are ghosts not what once was?
Are ghosts not people who have died?
I have experienced ghosts,
and numerous other things that
don't make sense.
Is this world so
random
that everything is coincidence,
and nothing is deja vu?
These things are just
perceptions of the world.
But then how did we get
the tape recording?
The ghostly voice
so clear as day
of a girl-
when there was only men
in the group.
Was one so intent
on finding out something
that he faked it for
all of us?
Was what I heard truly
the truth?
Could there just be some
type of energy left
when we die that
creates this sounds?
Could there be some type of
animal that mimics us
on a plane we cannot see?

I ask myself these questions.
I ask myself why these
things are so.
What religion is right,
or are they all right?
Could it be that humans created an afterlife
by simply believing?
And that faith truly is
the only way to live forever?

Statistically this world
makes no sense.
The probability of the world
existing is slim.
The probability of any person
is slim.
When millions of sperm meet
one egg,
the probability for a person is
one in so many millions.
And if the probability is so low
then what controls it?
Does nature balance itself out,
or is it a force in the world we cannot
recognize?
The probability of anyone meeting
is slim just as well.
If someone is born in Japan, and
the person they marry is born in Maine
because of a chance meeting-
can we argue it was simply chance?
If they never met,
would the world be better or worse?
Would the world just
be the same?

These thoughts plague me all the time.
I want to know the answer,
but all we can do is have faith
that something is helping us
when nothing might be.
Whether it be fate or religion
or a belief that nothing
controls us-
it is a faith we hold dear.
But every so often,
I wonder these thoughts.

I wonder.