Convicted

...I don't know when it happened, it just did. It was all I knew for years...

"Hey! Vanessa!"

"Hey Alex, how's it going?" He ran up to her, walking beside her.

"Ah ya know, just goin' to class."

"Me too, just got out of Criminal Justice."

"Didn't know you were into that."

"Yeah, it's really interesting. Hey- you should come to this talk tonight. It's going to be great- it's this guy who was charged with vehicular homicide and got out of jail all reformed."

"Oh that's cool. I don't think I should go though, I've got a lot of homework."

"Oh c'mon, Alex. For me?" She touched his arm, rubbing it softly, biting her lip. He stared into her brown eyes, deep and dark.

"OK. I'll come."

"Cool- meet me at my dorm around 6:30? We can dinner beforehand."

"Yeah," he smiled, "that sounds cool."

They walked away from each other, parting ways. Alex's heart was beating fast. He was sweating. His eyes darted back and forth as he walked into his class. Psychology.

I didn't meant to do anything. It just happened. It just happened.

"OK, so where do you wanna go for dinner?" Vanessa walked out of her dorm room, closing the door and making sure it was locked.

"I don't care. Where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know. Maybe Chinese? But then we'd have to just order in."

"I'd be cool with that."

"Or pizza. We could get pizza, there's that really good new place- uhh, what's it called again?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure what you're talking about?"

"One Room Pizza- that's it."

"Yeah, we could go there too. They have dine-in."

"Let's go there then- I'm so excited for this talk, aren't you?"

"I don't really know much about it." They began walking out of the dorm hall.

"Well it's this guy named Walt Pollack- he was 16 and had just gotten his license. He was driving around with his friend, and they were driving really recklessly because of something and they wound up crashing." They both walked out of the front door, and up the street. "So like, his friend- I can't remember his name. It was something like Fred maybe? Freddy Mercury?"

"That's definitely not his name."

"How do you know? I thought you didn't know anything about this case?"

"Trust me, I just know."

"We should go to a bar afterwards."

These bars. I'm used to them. They are the separation of the real world from me. So used to them. I was isolated. I didn't know what I had done. I just didn't know.

"Hi- would you like to donate to the County Rehab Clinic today?"

"No thanks," Alex pushed Vanessa into the room, trying to avoid the others wanting money.

"We could've given them a dollar."

"It would've been a wasted dollar."

They found seats and sat in silence, listening to the people around them talk. Alex's eyes and ears darted, back and forth. He watched the door behind him, as people filed in. More and more seats were filled, and then the doors closed. Fifty people, of all sorts, sitting in a small room, waiting for the man.

I came home and waited. I just sat and waited there. I knew what was going to happen, I just was hoping it wasn't.

"Welcome to our monthly speech. Tonight is very special, as we have worked with Criminal Justice and have Walt Pollack here, who proves that our system has both flaws and also works. With that said, I've heard he wants to tell his own story so without further ado- on behalf of the university and thank and welcome Mr. Walt Pollack"

The audience applauded.

"Thank you, thank you. I want to tell you what I went through today. I want to tell you why our law system works, and is flawed. And I want to tell you my story, from the beginning to the end. I was young when it happened. I was only 16."

I was only twelve.

"I had literally just gotten my license. My friend Matt wanted to go riding, show off my used car to him. I listened to him, when I knew I shouldn't have. That car was a weapon, that I never thought I was going to use."

I had it. I didn't think I was going to use it. And then things escalated.

"I picked Matt up from his house. He was so excited, told me he'd been jumping hills with some other kid. Jumping hills- you know, going fast over them and getting air in the car. And that's when you have no control over it."

I had no control. My father walked in, ready to hit me. He always hit me. I was only twelve.

"I was only 16. I was stupid. I was-"

-naive. I could've done something-

"-different. Instead I let my mind wander away, and the next thing I knew my friend-"

-my dad was dead.

"All it took was one jump."

One bullet.

"He hit his head."

It hit his head.

"Dead. Blood was-"

everywhere.

"I didn't know what to do, because-"

I ran away. I ran away as far as I could, but I could only get so far.

"I shouldn't have done that. I didn't make it far."

Not even that far at all.

"But I was scared. I was almost wanting-"

-help. I was crying for help. I was tired of the abuse. So tired. But no one listened.

"Then the cops came. Ambulance came, but it didn't matter."

He was dead. And there was no changing that.

"My friend was gone. Completely gone."

My father. He was never there for me, I didn't feel anything- but when I saw his body again it all came rushing.

"Guilt. And all my years in prison. I was-"

-convicted. So young. I only got seven years, but that was a long time for-

"-a child. But the system, it worked. I was saved, I was changed. No one wanted me to go to prison. But I-"

-served my time. I had to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.

"And that's what I'm going to talk to you about now. The issues and problems with the law system are-"

Alex had a tear falling from his eye.

"Are you OK?" Vanessa asked.

"Yeah, I just have some past things coming up."

"I never shared this story with anyone after I got out. It was strange to realize that nice guy was actually a cold blooded murderer. But I changed."

I just didn't want anyone to know I had changed. I had killed twice. The second time, I killed the old me.

"And the old me needed to die. I never wanted-"

-anyone dead. But it happened. And I still live with that guilt every day.

Alex quickly left the room after the speech. He breathed heavily, as he stood at a drinking fountain outside the room.

"What's wrong Alex?"

"Vanessa, I...I have a past you should know about."

They walked, hand-in-hand back to her dorm room. Alex's heart was no longer beating fast.