Monday, September 27, 2010

Parody Week: How "Harry Potter" Should Have Ended

(Note: The italicized text is actual text from the novel to pinpoint where we are in the story).

Bellatrix had spoken: She sat closest to Voldemort, disheveled, her face a little bloody but otherwise unharmed.

Voldemort raised his hand to silence her, and she did not speak another word, but eyed him in a worshipful fascination.

"I thought he would come," said Voldemort in his high, clear voice, his eyes on the leaping flames. "I expected him to come."

Nobody spoke. They seemed as scared as Harry, whose heart was now throwing itself against his ribs as though determined to escape the body he was about to cast aside.


"It seems I was...mistaken." Voldemort said with disdain.

"No, you weren't." Harry took his hood off, standing there, his hand on his wand. Only his head was visible, as the Invisibility Cloak covered him.

"I see you've made the right choice, Potter." Voldemort stood up, laughing maniacally. "But the wrong choice for you."

"Is it the wrong choice? I'm saving my friends. The only ones who've cared about me my entire life, have looked up to me because I'm the only one who can defeat you. Is coming here truly the wrong choice?" Harry took the rest of the cloak off, letting it hit the ground.

"All I've wanted for all these years is to grow powerful enough to kill you. I don't give a damn about them. They'll fall under my control, Lord Voldemort will reign again. And now who's going to stop me? Your precious parents are dead. Dumbledore is dead. Even Snape is dead- the one you thought hated you for so long but cared for you more than anyone ever has. And you cast him aside all those years because you suspected he was just as evil as me. No one is as evil as I am, Potter. No one."

"I regret what I did, but I can fix everything now. I can fix everything I've ever done. All the mistakes I've made. I can make up for everything right now."

"And how are you going to do that, Potter? Kill me? You can't kill me. I'm invincible."

"We've been destroying your horcruxes. By now there should only be two things left to destroy."

"Really? You think you've found them all? What else is left to destroy?"

"You and me." Harry took his wand out and held it before him, letting the tip point towards the sky.

"You can't kill me if you're dead, Potter."

"Avada Kadavra!" Harry yelled as his wand spew a green light into the night sky. It flew up into the darkness, disappearing from sight.

"You need to point the wand at me, Potter! You can't even do a spell right!" Voldemort and his minions all laughed. Harry just smiled and continued yelling Avada Kadavra into the sky.

"What does he think this will actually work? He's an idiot! And they all thought you were the one!" Yaxley said.

"Yeah, my Lord- I believe we've got the wrong kid! He can't be the one you want to kill, he can't even get this spell right!" Dolohov said between laughing.

"Enough!" Voldemort held his hand up and they all stopped laughing immediately. "Potter, are you going to fight or are you going to just let me kill you?"

"I have a better idea," Harry pointed the wand towards him. "I'll do it for you."

As Harry pointed his wand, Ron, Ginny and Hermoine appeared- wands ready- from the forest.

"Harry what are you doing?" Hermoine yelled to him.

"What I have to, Hermoine. I have to kill myself in order to kill him."

"Harry you can't do this."

"Ron, you take good care of your sister and Hermoine. I have to do this."

"But Harry! I love you!" Ginny yelled, tears running down her face.

"I know."

"Don't do this!" Ginny ran over to him and tried to grab his arm to pull his wand away from him.

"I have to Ginny. I have to die to save you and everyone else."

"But I love you. I've always loved you. Can't you understand that?"

"I love you too. Don't you understand why I'm doing this? It's because I love you, Ginny."

"Oh Harry!" She grabbed his face and kissed him hard.

"Enough is enough. I've had it with you horny little boogers. Blah blah blah, love is great. If you're going to kill yourself Potter do it so I can get on with ruling the world."

"Goodbye Ginny."

"I'll never forget you, Harry Potter. I'll never forget you."

She ran off, back to Ron and Hermoine who stood there looking grim. This was it.

"There has to be another way, Harry. There has to be." Hermoine yelled, trying one last time to convince him otherwise.

"There is no other way. Goodbye my friends. I've loved you all." Harry turned his wand towards him, and looked up into the sky smiling. "Avada Kadavra!" his wand lit up green and shot him backwards onto the ground.

Everyone was silent.

"Harry..." Ginny whispered under her breath.

"Well, that's that. Looks like Potter is done leaving me to gladly take control of the world." Voldemort laughed maniacally again, as they all heard a crash behind them. "What was that?" Voldemort looked behind him as one of his minions in front was thrown backwards onto the ground dead.

"What kind of spell is this?" Beatrix said.

"I don't know, but whatever it is-" they all looked up to see streaks of green light falling down towards them "-it's not good."

One after the other they were hit with the streaks of light, falling dead before they hit the ground.

"What's going on?" Ron asked as they stood watching everyone around Voldemort die. Ginny and Hermoine could only shrug.

"No! You son of a bitch! You bastard!" Voldemort said, looking at Harry's lifeless body. "You tricked us! You knew those spells would come down and kill us! You knew!" Voldemort ran to the body, grabbed Harry's collar and began shaking him. "You knew this would happen!"

And just then as Voldemort huddled over Harry's lifeless body, he looked up to see a streak of green light coming towards him. "No!" he yelled into the sky as the light clashed into him, bursting into a giant ball of green light and sending him backwards, dead.

Ginny ran over to the body, Hermoine and Ron following behind her. She huddled down, tears in her eyes. "Oh, Harry." she cried. Her arms around him, letting her tears fall.

"C'mon Ginny. We need to head back." Ron said, grimly.

"We can't just leave him here!" her tears still falling.

"We have to. We have to tell people what he's done. We have to let everyone know what a hero he was." Ron had his arm around Hermoine, both looking sullen.

"He was a hero. He was my hero. He was the only man I'll ever love." She kissed him on the lips and a tear fell onto Harry's scar as she lifted up. It wound through the scar, following the lightning bolt shape on his forehead with sparks.

Ginny got up and let Ron put his arm around her too, walking away into the forest.

"Are you leaving without me?" they all heard from behind them. They turned around to see Harry sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

"But you were, how could-" Ginny gasped out then ran to him.

"It's a miracle." Hermoine said. "And I'm not one to believe in miracles."

Ginny hugged Harry, who grunted in pain, falling back a bit.

"I swore you were gone. I knew you were gone. How could this be?" She had tears in her eyes still, but tears of happiness.

"My mom taught me something when I was very young. She taught me love is the strongest force in the world. I guess I just love you too much to leave you."

Ginny smiled as the two kissed again.

"Let's get out of here." Harry said, walking towards Hermoine and Ron still standing awestruck. They all walked into the forest, the sun slowly rising and moving the night into day once more.

"You know what I could really go for right now?" Harry said as they walked on, "Some of Bernie Bott's jellybeans."

The End

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