Parody Week: How "Dick and Jane" Should Have Ended

See Spot.

See Spot Run.

Run Spot Run!

See Spot's trainer.

See Spot's trainer sign Spot up for a fight.

Fight Spot Fight!

See the undercover journalist.

See the undercover journalist expose Spot's trainer.

Exclusive News Report!

See the police officer.

See the police officer run after Spot's trainer.

Run Officer, Run!

See the jury and judge.

See the jury and judge deliberate the case.

Deliberate jury and judge, Deliberate!

See Spot's trainer.

See Spot's trainer go to prison for a few years for animal abuse with a guy named Tiny that isn't tiny and likes new meat.

Don't Drop the Soap!

See Tiny.

See Tiny rape.

Rape Tiny, rape!

See Spot's trainer's PO.

See Spot's trainer's PO not pleased to find Spot's trainer is smoking pot.

Report, PO, report!

See Spot's trainer.

See Spot's trainer with a new dog to start fighting again and using Spot to train.

Train, new dog, train!

See Spot.

See Spot Run.

Keep running, Spot. Keep running.

Parody Week: How "1984" Should Have Ended

(Italicized is parts are of the actual book. We are at the part where Winston and Julia have gone through "rehab" and made it back into society and happen to meet each other at a park.)

"I betrayed you," she said baldly.
"I betrayed you," he said.
She gave him another quick look of dislike.
"Sometimes," she said, "they threaten you with something—something you can't stand up to, can't even think about. And then you say, 'Don't do it to me, do it to somebody else, do it to so-and-so.' And perhaps you might pretend, afterwards, that it was only a trick and that you just said it to make them stop and didn't really mean it. But that isn't true. At the time when it happens you do mean it. You think there's no other way of saving yourself and you're quite ready to save yourself that way. You want it to happen to the other person. You don't give a damn what they suffer. All you care about is yourself."
"All you care about is yourself," he echoed.
"And after that, you don't feel the same toward the other person any longer."
"No," he said, "you don't feel the same."

"Sometimes, I wish I could think. But if I think about that, you can no longer be here."

"You can no longer be here," he said. In his mind, Winston knew what he was thinking. He knew he was thinking about her. He knew he wanted her killed by Big Brother.

"I'll be going away soon. But that's OK. One of us had to." Julia walked away from Winston without saying another word.

"One of us had to," he echoed back.

Winston walked inside a store for a drink. There, a TV was playing.

"Big Brother loves you. The war is still on-going."

The war was always on-going. It had always been on-going.

"Big Brother wants you to know you are loved. There will be IMPORTANT NEWS. Wait for IMPORTANT NEWS soon."

Winston stood, drink in hand, watching the screen. He sipped, waiting for them to tell important news. He was hoping it was about them winning the war.

"Wait for IMPORTANT NEWS. You will celebrate this news. You will celebrate."

"You will celebrate," Winston said out loud to a man walking by. The man turned around, drink in hand and watched the screen.

"Big Brother loves you. The war is still on-going."

The war was always on-going. Two plus two was always five. It was always five.

"IMPORTANT NEWS is coming. You will celebrate."

"You will celebrate," Winston and the man said to a woman and man with drink in hand. They turned around and began watching with them. Waiting.

"News is incoming. The war is still on-going."

The war was always on-going. There was never a time when the war wasn't on-going.

"You will celebrate the IMPORTANT NEWS."

A group had now gathered, and chanted afterwards. "You will celebrate," they all said.

Without warning the screen displayed a countdown. No one said anything as they watched the numbers decreased every second. When it hit zero, a face appeared again.

"Big Brother wishes you a happy new year. It is now 1985."

It was always 1985.

"Big Brother wants you to know you are loved. You will celebrate."

The group sipped their drinks in unison, and then slowly broke up. Winston was the last one standing there, his drink in hand.

"The war is on-going. It is 1985."

The war was always on-going. It was always 1985.

Parody Week: How "Twilight" Should Have Ended

Quick summary: This is the point after Bella is moved to a hotel room, and is told by James (a crazy vampire out to kill her because of forbidden love or something) calls Bella and tells her to give herself up. This is the point where we enter the story.

Bella hung up the phone, and gulped. She sniffled as she looked around the empty hotel room. James had her mother, was going to kill her. Hurt her. She sniffled again, then stood up off the hotel room bed and stared out the window.

"If only I had the time to call Edward," she said as rain poured down.

Bella watched the rain fall, and suddenly on her phone got a text message from Twitter.

"Tupac wsa the shit. Not only is he good at makin' raps, he faked his own death too!"

Bella, for the first time in her life, had an idea.

"Bella, so glad you could come."

"Where's my mother, James? Where is she? Let her go!"

"Your mother isn't here, Bella. I fooled you." James laughed.

"I knew you were going to do this. I know you just want me dead." Bella pulled out a vile of red liquid. "You just want to have the satisfaction of killing me!"

"Not just the satisfaction of killing you, Bella. But of killing Edward's heart."

"It's too bad I can't let you do that. This vile is poison. I'm going to kill myself, before you even get a chance."

"You foolish girl, why would you want to die if you found the love of your life?"

"Because like every misunderstood teenage girl in high school that happens to be in love with a vampire that's thousands of years older than her- I'm a bit emotional." She drank the vile, tears running down her eyes. She collapsed onto the floor, convulsing.

Just then, Edward burst through a window in an overly dramatic fashion.

"James! What have you done with Bella!"

"Edward, I have done nothing but call her here. She has simply killed herself with a vile of poison."

"No. You killed her!"

Edward lunges at Paris James, attacking his throat vigorously with his fangs until James lays dead in a pool of vampire blood.

"Oh Bella, my sweet Bella! You are dead. Why? Why would you do this?" Edward let out tears from his withered old face. He looked around the room, barely seeing through his eyes now filled with tears. On the old wooden dresser that stood in the corner with one wobbly leg, a knife- just visible by its handle, lay. Edward got up, slowly, moving towards the knife.

He grabbed it and looked at it, shining and sparkling in the twilight.

"With this, I will come to you my love. I will come to you." He took the knife and pointed it at his own chest, then plunged it through his heart. He was dead.

Bella awoke to find Edward and James both dead in the room.

"What have I done?" she said after assessing the situation. "My love, the only man I have ever loved besides that family friend of mine that I thought about for like, a minute, but then decided it was you. But if you hadn't died, I probably would've been fickle about it and made a lot of drama over it. But instead, you're dead my Edward."

She took the small knife out of his heart and looked at it.

"This is my fault. I'll come to you, my love."

Jacob then burst through a glass window, as Bella lunged the knife into her heart.

"No!" he yelled. "Why Bella? Why would you kill yourself?" he lifted her head up a bit.

"Didn't you get my text message? To tell Edward that I was faking my death?"

"No, the message was delivered to me. I never told him."

She then died in his hands. Jacob, pissed off that he wasn't getting any from even an ugly chick that looked homely as if she had a crack cocaine addiction, got better, and then got on crack cocaine again but then got better enough to be on welfare because she decided to go all emotional and kill herself because the wimpy douchebag that wasn't as ripped as Jacob was, decided to kill himself because he thought she decided to kill herself but she was just faking it- decided to burn the place down.

He lit a match and walked away, turning into a wolf-like creature that wasn't really a werewolf but just like a wolf. He ran off into the woods, where a hunter shot him.

The house burnt down slowly, Bella and Edward actually still alive inside and burning in the fire to their horrible deaths.

Every anniversary of that fire, if you look into the stars you'll see Bella and Edward sitting there talking about how shitty that girl in History whose name Bella no longer remembers treated her. What a bitch.

The End

Parody Week: How "Harry Potter" Should Have Ended

(Note: The italicized text is actual text from the novel to pinpoint where we are in the story).

Bellatrix had spoken: She sat closest to Voldemort, disheveled, her face a little bloody but otherwise unharmed.

Voldemort raised his hand to silence her, and she did not speak another word, but eyed him in a worshipful fascination.

"I thought he would come," said Voldemort in his high, clear voice, his eyes on the leaping flames. "I expected him to come."

Nobody spoke. They seemed as scared as Harry, whose heart was now throwing itself against his ribs as though determined to escape the body he was about to cast aside.

"It seems I was...mistaken." Voldemort said with disdain.

"No, you weren't." Harry took his hood off, standing there, his hand on his wand. Only his head was visible, as the Invisibility Cloak covered him.

"I see you've made the right choice, Potter." Voldemort stood up, laughing maniacally. "But the wrong choice for you."

"Is it the wrong choice? I'm saving my friends. The only ones who've cared about me my entire life, have looked up to me because I'm the only one who can defeat you. Is coming here truly the wrong choice?" Harry took the rest of the cloak off, letting it hit the ground.

"All I've wanted for all these years is to grow powerful enough to kill you. I don't give a damn about them. They'll fall under my control, Lord Voldemort will reign again. And now who's going to stop me? Your precious parents are dead. Dumbledore is dead. Even Snape is dead- the one you thought hated you for so long but cared for you more than anyone ever has. And you cast him aside all those years because you suspected he was just as evil as me. No one is as evil as I am, Potter. No one."

"I regret what I did, but I can fix everything now. I can fix everything I've ever done. All the mistakes I've made. I can make up for everything right now."

"And how are you going to do that, Potter? Kill me? You can't kill me. I'm invincible."

"We've been destroying your horcruxes. By now there should only be two things left to destroy."

"Really? You think you've found them all? What else is left to destroy?"

"You and me." Harry took his wand out and held it before him, letting the tip point towards the sky.

"You can't kill me if you're dead, Potter."

"Avada Kadavra!" Harry yelled as his wand spew a green light into the night sky. It flew up into the darkness, disappearing from sight.

"You need to point the wand at me, Potter! You can't even do a spell right!" Voldemort and his minions all laughed. Harry just smiled and continued yelling Avada Kadavra into the sky.

"What does he think this will actually work? He's an idiot! And they all thought you were the one!" Yaxley said.

"Yeah, my Lord- I believe we've got the wrong kid! He can't be the one you want to kill, he can't even get this spell right!" Dolohov said between laughing.

"Enough!" Voldemort held his hand up and they all stopped laughing immediately. "Potter, are you going to fight or are you going to just let me kill you?"

"I have a better idea," Harry pointed the wand towards him. "I'll do it for you."

As Harry pointed his wand, Ron, Ginny and Hermoine appeared- wands ready- from the forest.

"Harry what are you doing?" Hermoine yelled to him.

"What I have to, Hermoine. I have to kill myself in order to kill him."

"Harry you can't do this."

"Ron, you take good care of your sister and Hermoine. I have to do this."

"But Harry! I love you!" Ginny yelled, tears running down her face.

"I know."

"Don't do this!" Ginny ran over to him and tried to grab his arm to pull his wand away from him.

"I have to Ginny. I have to die to save you and everyone else."

"But I love you. I've always loved you. Can't you understand that?"

"I love you too. Don't you understand why I'm doing this? It's because I love you, Ginny."

"Oh Harry!" She grabbed his face and kissed him hard.

"Enough is enough. I've had it with you horny little boogers. Blah blah blah, love is great. If you're going to kill yourself Potter do it so I can get on with ruling the world."

"Goodbye Ginny."

"I'll never forget you, Harry Potter. I'll never forget you."

She ran off, back to Ron and Hermoine who stood there looking grim. This was it.

"There has to be another way, Harry. There has to be." Hermoine yelled, trying one last time to convince him otherwise.

"There is no other way. Goodbye my friends. I've loved you all." Harry turned his wand towards him, and looked up into the sky smiling. "Avada Kadavra!" his wand lit up green and shot him backwards onto the ground.

Everyone was silent.

"Harry..." Ginny whispered under her breath.

"Well, that's that. Looks like Potter is done leaving me to gladly take control of the world." Voldemort laughed maniacally again, as they all heard a crash behind them. "What was that?" Voldemort looked behind him as one of his minions in front was thrown backwards onto the ground dead.

"What kind of spell is this?" Beatrix said.

"I don't know, but whatever it is-" they all looked up to see streaks of green light falling down towards them "-it's not good."

One after the other they were hit with the streaks of light, falling dead before they hit the ground.

"What's going on?" Ron asked as they stood watching everyone around Voldemort die. Ginny and Hermoine could only shrug.

"No! You son of a bitch! You bastard!" Voldemort said, looking at Harry's lifeless body. "You tricked us! You knew those spells would come down and kill us! You knew!" Voldemort ran to the body, grabbed Harry's collar and began shaking him. "You knew this would happen!"

And just then as Voldemort huddled over Harry's lifeless body, he looked up to see a streak of green light coming towards him. "No!" he yelled into the sky as the light clashed into him, bursting into a giant ball of green light and sending him backwards, dead.

Ginny ran over to the body, Hermoine and Ron following behind her. She huddled down, tears in her eyes. "Oh, Harry." she cried. Her arms around him, letting her tears fall.

"C'mon Ginny. We need to head back." Ron said, grimly.

"We can't just leave him here!" her tears still falling.

"We have to. We have to tell people what he's done. We have to let everyone know what a hero he was." Ron had his arm around Hermoine, both looking sullen.

"He was a hero. He was my hero. He was the only man I'll ever love." She kissed him on the lips and a tear fell onto Harry's scar as she lifted up. It wound through the scar, following the lightning bolt shape on his forehead with sparks.

Ginny got up and let Ron put his arm around her too, walking away into the forest.

"Are you leaving without me?" they all heard from behind them. They turned around to see Harry sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

"But you were, how could-" Ginny gasped out then ran to him.

"It's a miracle." Hermoine said. "And I'm not one to believe in miracles."

Ginny hugged Harry, who grunted in pain, falling back a bit.

"I swore you were gone. I knew you were gone. How could this be?" She had tears in her eyes still, but tears of happiness.

"My mom taught me something when I was very young. She taught me love is the strongest force in the world. I guess I just love you too much to leave you."

Ginny smiled as the two kissed again.

"Let's get out of here." Harry said, walking towards Hermoine and Ron still standing awestruck. They all walked into the forest, the sun slowly rising and moving the night into day once more.

"You know what I could really go for right now?" Harry said as they walked on, "Some of Bernie Bott's jellybeans."

The End

Convicted

...I don't know when it happened, it just did. It was all I knew for years...

"Hey! Vanessa!"

"Hey Alex, how's it going?" He ran up to her, walking beside her.

"Ah ya know, just goin' to class."

"Me too, just got out of Criminal Justice."

"Didn't know you were into that."

"Yeah, it's really interesting. Hey- you should come to this talk tonight. It's going to be great- it's this guy who was charged with vehicular homicide and got out of jail all reformed."

"Oh that's cool. I don't think I should go though, I've got a lot of homework."

"Oh c'mon, Alex. For me?" She touched his arm, rubbing it softly, biting her lip. He stared into her brown eyes, deep and dark.

"OK. I'll come."

"Cool- meet me at my dorm around 6:30? We can dinner beforehand."

"Yeah," he smiled, "that sounds cool."

They walked away from each other, parting ways. Alex's heart was beating fast. He was sweating. His eyes darted back and forth as he walked into his class. Psychology.

I didn't meant to do anything. It just happened. It just happened.

"OK, so where do you wanna go for dinner?" Vanessa walked out of her dorm room, closing the door and making sure it was locked.

"I don't care. Where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know. Maybe Chinese? But then we'd have to just order in."

"I'd be cool with that."

"Or pizza. We could get pizza, there's that really good new place- uhh, what's it called again?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure what you're talking about?"

"One Room Pizza- that's it."

"Yeah, we could go there too. They have dine-in."

"Let's go there then- I'm so excited for this talk, aren't you?"

"I don't really know much about it." They began walking out of the dorm hall.

"Well it's this guy named Walt Pollack- he was 16 and had just gotten his license. He was driving around with his friend, and they were driving really recklessly because of something and they wound up crashing." They both walked out of the front door, and up the street. "So like, his friend- I can't remember his name. It was something like Fred maybe? Freddy Mercury?"

"That's definitely not his name."

"How do you know? I thought you didn't know anything about this case?"

"Trust me, I just know."

"We should go to a bar afterwards."

These bars. I'm used to them. They are the separation of the real world from me. So used to them. I was isolated. I didn't know what I had done. I just didn't know.

"Hi- would you like to donate to the County Rehab Clinic today?"

"No thanks," Alex pushed Vanessa into the room, trying to avoid the others wanting money.

"We could've given them a dollar."

"It would've been a wasted dollar."

They found seats and sat in silence, listening to the people around them talk. Alex's eyes and ears darted, back and forth. He watched the door behind him, as people filed in. More and more seats were filled, and then the doors closed. Fifty people, of all sorts, sitting in a small room, waiting for the man.

I came home and waited. I just sat and waited there. I knew what was going to happen, I just was hoping it wasn't.

"Welcome to our monthly speech. Tonight is very special, as we have worked with Criminal Justice and have Walt Pollack here, who proves that our system has both flaws and also works. With that said, I've heard he wants to tell his own story so without further ado- on behalf of the university and thank and welcome Mr. Walt Pollack"

The audience applauded.

"Thank you, thank you. I want to tell you what I went through today. I want to tell you why our law system works, and is flawed. And I want to tell you my story, from the beginning to the end. I was young when it happened. I was only 16."

I was only twelve.

"I had literally just gotten my license. My friend Matt wanted to go riding, show off my used car to him. I listened to him, when I knew I shouldn't have. That car was a weapon, that I never thought I was going to use."

I had it. I didn't think I was going to use it. And then things escalated.

"I picked Matt up from his house. He was so excited, told me he'd been jumping hills with some other kid. Jumping hills- you know, going fast over them and getting air in the car. And that's when you have no control over it."

I had no control. My father walked in, ready to hit me. He always hit me. I was only twelve.

"I was only 16. I was stupid. I was-"

-naive. I could've done something-

"-different. Instead I let my mind wander away, and the next thing I knew my friend-"

-my dad was dead.

"All it took was one jump."

One bullet.

"He hit his head."

It hit his head.

"Dead. Blood was-"

everywhere.

"I didn't know what to do, because-"

I ran away. I ran away as far as I could, but I could only get so far.

"I shouldn't have done that. I didn't make it far."

Not even that far at all.

"But I was scared. I was almost wanting-"

-help. I was crying for help. I was tired of the abuse. So tired. But no one listened.

"Then the cops came. Ambulance came, but it didn't matter."

He was dead. And there was no changing that.

"My friend was gone. Completely gone."

My father. He was never there for me, I didn't feel anything- but when I saw his body again it all came rushing.

"Guilt. And all my years in prison. I was-"

-convicted. So young. I only got seven years, but that was a long time for-

"-a child. But the system, it worked. I was saved, I was changed. No one wanted me to go to prison. But I-"

-served my time. I had to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.

"And that's what I'm going to talk to you about now. The issues and problems with the law system are-"

Alex had a tear falling from his eye.

"Are you OK?" Vanessa asked.

"Yeah, I just have some past things coming up."

"I never shared this story with anyone after I got out. It was strange to realize that nice guy was actually a cold blooded murderer. But I changed."

I just didn't want anyone to know I had changed. I had killed twice. The second time, I killed the old me.

"And the old me needed to die. I never wanted-"

-anyone dead. But it happened. And I still live with that guilt every day.

Alex quickly left the room after the speech. He breathed heavily, as he stood at a drinking fountain outside the room.

"What's wrong Alex?"

"Vanessa, I...I have a past you should know about."

They walked, hand-in-hand back to her dorm room. Alex's heart was no longer beating fast.

Money

Danny walked down the stairs and looked at the table again. There sat, on top of the checkered tablecloth- old and tattered- the money he wanted. A wad of cash, held together by a rubber band.

"Is this how you wanted it, Danny?"

A red car pulled around the corner- a nice, new, glossy sports car- and kicked the turbo on. The 25 mph speed limit sign meant nothing here, as the car sped along the quiet neighborhood, barreling down a one way street in the middle of the night. At least, it looked like night.

"Danny, slow down! You're going to get us killed!"

"It's four in the morning, Rob. Shut the fuck up and learn to live some."

"I'd like to live some more years, so slow this car down."

Danny stopped the car. A red pentagon was the only thing that made him, and even then- it was more likely Rob's words.

"How about slowing to zero?"

"So you're not going to move anymore?"

"You got gas money?"

"No, I ain't no gas money."

"Then get the fuck out my car."

"Man, quit playin'."

"I ain't. Get out of my car."

"Fine, you want gas money? Take me home, I'll get you some damn gas money. Just drive like a normal person."

Danny obeyed Rob's words, as he took off going a much slower speed than before. He obeyed the limits. He obeyed everything until Rob was safe in his house, and handing him a raggedy five dollar bill.

"That's it? You just givin' me five dollars?"

"What else you want, a piece of gold?"

"Yeah, take them fillin's out- I'll sell 'em for somethin'."

"Danny, get out of my house. I ain't even wanna see you in the first place."

"You's the one who wanted a ride."

"Yeah thanks for it. Next time I'll make sure I don't miss the bus." Rob slammed his front door shut, leaving Danny to walk back to his red sports car- still shining in the moonlight.

He sat down in the driver's seat, put the key in the ignition, and was on the road home. As he got closer to his apartment, he decided to begin speeding again. His eyes, tired from the long day, began to droop.

Danny looked at his car's clock and saw 5:43 AM. He blinked, his eyes lingering in the darkness longer than usual. He struggled to stay awake.

"Sir? Sir? Are you OK? Can you talk to me?"

"What's going on?"

"You've been in a car accident. What's your name?"

"Danny. My name is Danny."

The hospital was cold, as it always was. Danny was unconscious, his body scraped but barely bruised. His car on the other hand...

"Uhh..." he opened his eyes to see the tiled ceiling above him. His body ached, his head hurt. No one was in the room with him, as he looked around. He didn't expect anyone to be there.

"Hello?" he said. "Hello? Anyone out there?" he yelled.

A nurse walked into the room.

"I see you're awake, finally."

"Finally? How long was I out?"

"Three days. You're doing fine now, Mr. Laundler- just a few minor cuts."

"From what?"

"Car accident. I'll have the doctor come explain here when he can- in the meantime are you feeling any pain or discomfort?"

"My head hurts."

"I'll get you some aspirin."

Hours later- though Danny couldn't tell how long time had passed- the doctor and a police officer walked into his room.

"Danny Laundler is it?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Officer Fitzgerald, I was wondering if you could answer some questions for me."

"Of course."

"Well, what do you remember of the car accident?"

"Nothing. All I remember is lookin' at the clock, and it was almost six. Next thing I 'member I woke up here."

"And you're feeling OK?" the doctor interjected. At least, Danny assumed the old gray bearded man with a white coat and stethoscope around his neck was a doctor.

"Yeah, I'm a'ight. Is there somethin' I should know 'bout?"

"Danny, the person you hit is dead." The officer said straightforward.

"Oh shit. I killed someone?"

The officer let out a sigh. "Sort of. A man by the name of Todd Daniels was in the car you hit, but he had a suicide note. From what we determined, he purposefully stopped his car so that you would hit him, causing him to slit his throat with a knife he attached to his steering wheel."

"So I didn't cause the accident?"

"No, we believe it was Mr. Daniels that did. He had car insurance, but I'd advise looking for an attorney. The family is in debt, as is."

The court room fell silent as the judge began her final decision.

"After reviewing the evidence of this bizarre case- I have to say, that though I am sorry to hear of your loss Mrs. Daniels- it was your husband's fault that Mr. Laundler here hurt himself and then wound up losing his job because he was unable to perform his duties any longer. With that, I find for the plaintiff in the sum of $250,000." The gavel hit twice, sending sound waves out to the court room.

Mrs. Daniels sat there, crying, knowing her family was ruined.

"So you got this new house and everything from the settlement?"

"Yeah, they owe me nothing but a hundred bucks now."

"Danny, don't you feel bad about their family? They lost everything. She loses her husband, then they lose their house, their car. She has so much to pay for now, and the life insurance didn't cover suicide. Let them have that hundred dollars."

"That's my money, Rob. I know it's my money, OK?"

"Yeah? You know you fell asleep at the wheel too, don't you?"

"I didn't do nothin'. Try to tell me what the fuck I did, I was used. That's what I did. And I got the money from it that I rightfully deserved."

"You don't deserve shit. You need to give them some of that money back. You don't need this house, Danny- who the hell is gonna come visit you?"

"You're here."

"Yeah, and I'm gone. I was here to get back the money you owed my brother, but we don't want your money 'cause of how you get it. Rippin' off the poor people out here."

"I don't rip off nobody. You hear me Rob? Nobody!"

The doorbell rang. Danny got up off his new couch, and hit pause to stop his new HDTV from missing a moment of the basketball game. There stood Mrs. Daniels, disheveled and much different from when he saw her in the courtroom.

"Mr. Laundler. May I come in?"

"Uh, sure."

He was hesitant as he let her come inside his new house, with the new carpet. He watched her walk up the stairs- her shoes torn and black from the years worn.

"I came here to give you something, Mr. Laundler."

He felt paranoid as he walked into his own living room. He felt as though she was going to kill him, for revenge for killing her husband.

"Yeah uh," he saw his old tablecloth, dingy and dirty, covering up his new wooden table. "Just put it on the table. I'll be right back."

He walked upstairs quickly, half-running to be sure he could have her in his sights. He went to his bedroom, walked over to his dressing table, and opened up a drawer to pull out his gun. If he was going to die, he was going to take her with him.

Danny walked down the stairs and looked at the table again. There sat, on top of the checkered tablecloth- old and tattered- the money he wanted. A wad of cash, held together by a rubber band.

"Is this how you wanted it, Danny?"

He looked at her, dirty and dank, and then at the money.

"Yeah, that's good. You off the hook."

"Thank you Mr. Laundler, my family appreciates it."

He walked her out of his house.

"Can you believe what Danny Laundler did? All that money and he winds up dead."

"They say it was a suicide, but I don't know. That family he sued wanted him dead."

"What good would it have done them?"

"Beats me. Hey, you hear he left Rob everything?"

"Yeah- we should go hit up Rob. See how he's doin'. I need some gas, anyways."